Most people begin therapy because they want change—even if they’re not yet sure what that change
looks like. The idea of exploring what needs to shift in order to improve one’s quality of life can
feel daunting. After all, it’s intimidating to start a process without knowing where it might lead.
Many fear the unfamiliar nature of therapy, worried about placing their trust in an “expert” who will
tell them what to do.
But that’s not how therapy truly works. The only expert on a client’s life is the client themselves.
My role is to help them recognize and embrace that expertise, guiding them toward their own
insights and choices.
Defining What We’re Working Toward
Often, the areas we work on in therapy can feel vague or abstract. Take, for example, self-esteem.
What does it actually mean to “struggle with low self-esteem”? And once we understand that, how
do we begin to improve it?
To make progress toward any goal, we first need to define what the goal truly is. Without clarity, it’s
nearly impossible to move forward with purpose. So, let’s start by exploring what self-esteem really
means.
Self-esteem is often tied to external factors—our achievements, successes, and the approval of
others. Because these factors are inconsistent, relying on them can leave us feeling unworthy or
unstable. This is distinct from self-worth, which comes from within: the internal belief that we are
inherently good enough and deserving of love and belonging.
Understanding this distinction can be illuminating, but it can also feel overwhelming. Clients often
say, “Now I understand it better, but changing how I see myself feels like an impossible task. My
patterns are so ingrained that I don’t even know where to start.” This is where numbers—and a little
structure—can bring hope.
How Numbers Create Perspective and Hope
In solution-focused therapy, we often use scaling techniques to turn abstract feelings into
something tangible. Numbers give us perspective and direction.
When a client says, “My self-esteem has hit rock bottom,” that feeling may seem absolute. But
when I ask, “On a scale from zero to ten, where would you place your self-esteem right now?” they
might respond, “Maybe a one or two.” Already, that slight shift—recognizing it isn’t actually zero—
creates a new perspective and opens the door to hope.
I then ask, “On the same scale, where would you like your self-esteem to be?” Most clients answer
conservatively, perhaps saying, “A five would already be great.” This modest target makes change
feel realistic and achievable.
If a client rates their current self-esteem as 1.5 and aims for 5, that’s a 3.5-point increase. When we
break that down further—“What would it take to move from 1.5 to 2.5?”—the process starts to feel
manageable. Small, achievable steps replace the sense of an insurmountable challenge.
At this point, we begin to explore practical and emotional changes: altering thought patterns, setting
healthier boundaries, responding differently to others, or learning to accept compliments. Each
small shift raises that internal score just a little. The “impossible” begins to feel possible—one step
at a time.
Measuring Progress and Building Momentum
After some time, we revisit the scale: “Where would you place your self-esteem now?” Even a
small increase—say from 1.5 to 2.5—represents progress. That movement is significant. It brings a
sense of accomplishment and a small dopamine boost, reinforcing motivation to continue.
We then repeat the process: identify the next step, set a small target, and explore the changes needed
to reach it. In essence, we’re transforming a mountain into a series of manageable molehills. The
numbers provide a visual ladder—a concrete way to climb toward growth, step by step.
Turning Numbers Into Everyday Tools
This simple technique can be applied far beyond therapy sessions. Once learned, clients can use it
independently in daily life to set goals, monitor progress, and celebrate achievements.
Scaling helps transform vague challenges into measurable, hopeful steps forward. It encourages
self-reflection, motivation, and the ability to recognize success—no matter how small. Ultimately,
it’s a gentle reminder that change doesn’t happen all at once; it happens one meaningful step at a
time.